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January 9th, 2009

duelling guitars

Posted by itsissykrutt at 02:42 PM on January 9, 2009.

for once, JRM wasn't being a ten-year-old whining and throwing tantrums everywhere like when he's Henry in The Tudors. Now I can't quite decide anymore if it's Henry 'Duke of Suffolk' Cavill..or Jonathan 'King Henry VIII' Rhys Meyers that i'd like to go horseback riding with..

JRM: Charles my brother, you are not capable of fidelity..you married my sister and killed her remember?
HC: Your Grace knows me far too well. And I you, are we not beheading that bitch Mistress Boleyn yet?..
(together): Ha ha ha *hearty English royalty laugh*

i adore these two knights in shining armour of mine. now where is that season III..

but Dunhill London..or still Hugo Boss..

i want me a Charles Brandon Duke of Suffolk but this is clouding my judgement..

can't stand it. and i am cracking my head about this like it's a choice of life and death.. XD

classes are going quite well so far. it irks me that we are STILL not getting Dr. Mikhail Savory like everyone else. and I want Noh Nyata for my Deutsche back! this new lady lecturer is trying to be a smartass correcting our pronunciation..helloooo Noh Nyata was awesome and he's the Dean what's your problem woman your phonetics suck you sound anything but German..so geram.

going to Singapore next month for this inter-university games event. i am the team manager for FRISBEE.. =D

it's so cute. when you put frisbee next to athletics and swimming hehe.

probably going some other place next semester for this field trip with the Chemical Process Students' Assoc committee, they're thinking of Germany or maybe Prague..i don't know why Prague. i was put in charge as program director but i'm bailing out. too much work. and i'm already repeating 2 subjects, do the math. X)

anywho, hello weekend! futsal in 20mins..

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January 8th, 2009

Elgar

Posted by itsissykrutt at 11:05 AM on January 8, 2009.

i come here every bloody day with ten thousand things to write about but nothing i can truly talk passionately about. this reeks. i used to talk about even a dying plant passionately.

but do you know what i am passionate about right at this moment though? Classical Music.

in fact, i am listening to Sir Edward Elgar's string pieces these days for that tiny morsel of inspiration i've been scavenging for since i started this semester. but lets leave the pissing and moaning for later, now i want to tell you about Elgar.

Cello Concert in E Op. 85: Adagio - Moderato - Pieter Wispelwey

so i took the time to listen to the whole of actual concerto, and it sounded anything BUT inspirational.. it's melancholic and livid. i am imagining the intro, back alley of a building, there lies a dying man drowning in his own pool of blood, determined to fight death as he struggles to rise to his feet again like a fish flapping around in a puddle. the violas come in and the last few hours of his life swims through his mind as he just lies there recollecting life. for what it is worth, this was forseen. his life as he knew it, was uncanny and doomed to a tragic ending sooner rather than later. those around here who live to see wrinkles on their skin were the few fortunate ones. the cello reiterates again bringing him back to where he is now and all that is left to understand. the piece then dives into the more lyrical middle theme of violins and woodwinds and light brass and kettle drums where we leave this man, run away from the alley out into the open and see the bigger picture. where the ground is tarnished with drying blood of perished thousands, young and old. night wash over and the moonlight spills over the scattering bodies curled in submission and the final hopes of mercy and defence.

and then the softer more nostalgic tunes eases in on the scene's most heart wrenching part of all, when children die in the embrace of their mothers who die along with them in vain. In vain.

the genocide goes on but what are we to ever do about all of this. we sulk and moan about failing in our studies and waking up every morning, hair looking like a clump of hay. these people wake up every morning with the sole thankfulness that they are not dead..yet. we come home from class in the evening thinking of what to eat for tea. these people run home from the sundry dodging bullets, and upon arrival see their houses reduced to ash and debris and the first thing they do is scream for their mothers and sisters in dying hope that they are alright..

it breaks my heart to see my muslim brothers and sisters tortured and killed and there's nothing i can do about it. it makes me angry that i can never be grateful enough about my life when these people are being robbed of the rights to keep theirs. these people pray for the love of God to let them die first before getting to watch their children murdered right in front of their eyes, and we forsake our own daily prayers for ourselves and for them just because going out dressing like a stripper and getting drunk all night passing out in someone else's room is more fun and the epitome of appreciating life..

it makes me feel guilty for ever having fun and enjoying life anymore. what is life worth when we're not willing to give it up and die for others..

what do we do now?..

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January 7th, 2009

2009!

Posted by monniemonn at 09:15 AM on January 7, 2009.

so... i'm back in melbourne again.. (NOT LIKE ANYONE CARES!). as usual, i lost my voice from too much talkin, laughin', screamin', shriekin', and DRINKING.

i have been literally stayin in my cubbyhole since i arrived on monday night. as well as sufferin from PND, namely Post-Noisebox Depression, i needed some private moment to give some serious thoughts about what i wanna do and where i wanna be in the next 12 months. don't ask me what where and WHY. im quite reluctant to discuss (even the snapshot of what i have in mind) for the comin 12 months although its fairly realistic. i don't wanna jinx it! LoL

sister and scott are still back in ipoh while im home alone till next tuesday. enjoyin the serenity but @ da same time, missin' the NOISEBOX dearly. it's been TOO LONG since we had a gooooood catchup. enjoyed the silence together soooo much and not feelin obliged to TALK when everyone was grouchyyy, and never the least, the importance of unspoken telepathy. this is my definition of best buds.

summer weather in melbourne is unconventionally strange. 2nd month into summer, we are still sittin @ max. of 18 degrees. lovin' the weather. betta still if it doesn't get too HOT.

its sucha shame that i didnt get to meet up with any of uuu girls. lookin forward to our next meetup in 2 weeks! =)

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January 6th, 2009

Posted by Jestyr at 11:08 AM on January 6, 2009.

i'm in a rather reflective mood today, so this will be a somewhat long entry. if you have the patience to bear with me, please do. if you don't, well that's fine too.

this past year has been a mixture of good and bad.

the "good"s:

Even though I constantly doubt and disbelieve, God always pulls through. I realized that my faith is lacking in so many areas and though I always push and try to pull away, somehow I'm always brought back. I liken it to deep sea fishing. You give a little line to the fish once in a while but in the end you always reel it in. For that, I'm grateful.
Amazing family. They are the reason why I tangibly understand what it means to be always there.
Friends, both past and present, that understand me. These people are so few and far between that when they do come along, it breaks my heart when our paths split.
Graduation. I made it.
Age. Though this is a weird one, I am actually very grateful that I'm getting older. Each year I see different things about me and it makes me realize more and more what a horrible and messed up person I am. I forsee the need for therapy, or much prayer, in the near future.

The "bad"s

Its been a rollercoaster of emotions this year. Somehow this year has been worse than most. I'm not a very emotionally demonstrative person to begin with, so this past year has just been a emotion-brimming-to-the-surface year.
I knew this past year would be a heart-breaking year. The combination of saying goodbye to good friends and making new acquaintances made 2008 a year of difficult situations.
I didn't expect myself to miss home this much. I knew I would, but I didn't know that my homesickness this year would rival my freshman year. But somehow it has either matched or surpassed it.

I guess it's a good thing that the "good"s outweigh the "bad"s. Actually, it's a VERY good thing. I also realized a lot of things about myself:

I actually hate the taste of coffee. After years of trying to convince myself that I enjoy that foul-tasting drink, I have come to accept that coffee, while the beverage of choice for millions of Starbucks connoisseurs, is not for me. I like my venti-soy-hot-chocolate-with-whip thank you very much.
Whenever I see my friends' parents and know that my friends enjoy the luxury of knowing that they will spend eternity with their family, I sometimes get jealous. My own situation really saddens and frightens me. Everyday I'm dogged by the fear that they won't believe and in the end it'll be too late. I never talk about this because it is by far my biggest fear. I go to sleep thinking about it and wake up still lingering on the thought.
I can't say goodbye without tearing up. I physically am unable to say a tear-free farewell.
I am not a patient person. At all.
I get the feeling that somewhere along the path to the me-now, I lost myself and what I stood for. Only now am I slowly beginning to rediscover the values I once held on so strongly to.
God has really broken my will. From age 18 to age 23 not many things have gone the way that I want them to go and this has resulted in a broken and calloused heart. However it has also resulted in a sense of pseudo-surrender. I'm either too tired to fight or too broken to care. I have no idea which it is.

Earlier this year I wrote about the fact that I had [almost] given up on faith. Actually, that was probably as close to the brink of disbelief that I have come to in a long while. My jaded heart has not been so cynical in years. I remembered how carefree I was pre-Christ. I remembered that I was a more patient person, a person who held on to values and virtues that I no longer remember or care to demonstrate. I don't know if the me-now is a product of life's harshness or God's refining but I know that I need to get back to the person I was before and somehow meld it together with faith. Slowly now, I feel the crust chipping away but I also know that its so easy to have a hardened heart once more. I'm tired of the cookie-cutter faith. I want a faith that is mine, not someone else's plagiarized faith. I wish the word spoke to me. I wish I just "get it" instead of "doubt it". I wish that I knew what it is to burn for God. I wish God would save my loved ones.

I don't really have resolutions because I don't know what will come in 2009. I just hope that I'll be strong enough to see it through. Sorry for the rant, it's been a long day.

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Posted by Jestyr at 08:56 AM on January 6, 2009.

Frustration