I can't really believe that I've been chatting on MSN for 3 hours! Geez, it's been sucha bloody long time since I last did that with yknow, like 3 to 4 people in one chat room, and it's filled with sheer NONSENSE! And it's actually very fun cause you laugh so hard, but it's a bummer cause it's the middle of the night and I can't make any noise, even the slightest noise cause this apartment's sound proof system is too gay (gayness applies to most of the houses as well).
Was checking out my old MSN account and found out that I really am losing so many contacts. Mofo. Wonder how did they disappear, apaprently I didnt delete those contacts right. Alas I had to add in more and more contacts. All my long lost friends when I was in high school.
About 2 years back or so, I used to think that certain boys schools' guys were so el A em ee. Okay, now 2 years later, when I was looking back at those testimonials in Friendster, I'm starting to miss those el A em ee-ness. Haven't spoken to them for at least a year and boy, it was so fun talking to them just now, together with a few of my close fiends whom we used to tease them together, tee hee. Those were the days!! I have to accept the fact that I'M MISSING IPOH. Home is still home, no matter how bad the place is. All these years, the good food back there was the thing which kept me moving otherwise I so would have.. Umm.. Ok so even there wasn't any good food I'd still have to deal with it because I didn't have any support to move out of Ipoh. Well, at least it's improving slowwwwwwly. Aight? Albeit I doubt that I'm gonna settle down there in the future. There'll be a chance, but it's just too thin.
My birthday celebration was alright, however I wasn't satisfied because it's an 18th birthday! Ha, do you get me? It doesn't feel like an 18-year-old's birthday celebration if your closest buds aren't there to get crazy and drunk with you and also you need to party out like at least 3 days continuously (ok this is a bit exaggerating). You get the picture anyway. So I guess I'd have to re-celebrate it when I get my arse back to M'sia in order to fulfil my lust! Whoopsie daisy.
I liked the blackforest cake which I had. I liked the bracelet which Christine gave me, it looks like Tiffany's although it's not, and nobody's gonna ask you if you're wearing a Tiffany when you wear that Tiffany-look-alike out so I'm hearting it. Some cash from Aunt, an expensive dinner from uncle (If it really was meant for me, if it's not the case I'd still greet thank you cause I ate.).
I went to torquoy on my birthday anyway. Nothing much to do there, it's winter c'mon. And thank you Lord because I was blessed with a really sunny day and the weather was wayyy too comfortable for a beach view! Sun was shining brightly and there're so many doggies being walked along the beach. Dogs are the sweetest animals ever. Took some pictures and I liked them so much, the sunlight added on awesome effect for the pics. Can't be bothered to upload em now but the usericon which I'm using for this post is one of the pictures taken that day. Oh, uncle lent Victor his car. My uncle is surely courageous for doing so because Victor's a noob in driving. Well he's not that noobish after all but he's only gotten his license like two days before. Cheerios.
Present from him was.. An 18ct white gold diamond pendant. It's a heel. That cost him a bomb and the pendant didn't look that worthy. However, that's indeed very sweet of him and yeah, I thought he didn't get me anything beforehand so bite me for blaming him the day before.
I think I need to repeat that it's a PENDANT and not a ring, just in case there're rumours saying that I'm engaged 
. Urgh.
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On the other hand, adults are driving me bonkers.
I just wanna live a life I want and not caring about what others would comment on you and shit. This world is just a huge piece of turd and that's very ugly. It's beautiful only when you don't have to fake like almost everything and be original. I'm not perfect but I think it'd be nice if someone understands what I'm doing and what I'm upto; and not being judged, being talked behind like how bad I behave and etc. I KNOW WHAT I'M DOING. And I'm sorry if I've embarassed you because I didn't know that's the case and all I'm trying to do is to patch things up which is hard for me cause I don't effing know what you actually want.
This is so complicated and nobody's gonna understand this. You don't have to cause I just wanna yell out what've been hiding deep down inside me. I never thought I'd write out about how I feel in this blog but hey, I need to burst at least something out to feel better. The pressure is eating me up and that's not very healthy.
And also, I think it's so unfair to judge someone by its cover. Please stop complaining about others when you're not the perfect one. You're not majesty, you're just an ordinary person. House chores are meant for women, not a girl like me (NOT LIKE I DONT DO HOUSE CHORES GAWDAMMIT). I love sleeping till the sun shines on my butt and that's LIFE. I love eating how much and what I want and thats ENJOYMENT. I love being me. I ain't gonna fake things like forcing myself to get up at 7am in the morning and enjoy the morning fresh air. You breathe when you're sleeping so I ain't missing out fresh air EVERY MORNING. RAWRRRRR!! Oh yes, has anyone told you that sometimes your harsh words might actually hurt many people? You don't say it on purpose, I know, but hey, maybe you should try using better words and think twice before you blab everything out. Nobody likes being insulted in front of many people, although it looks like a whoops-i'm-not-doing-this-on-purpose, deep down inside, people do mind ok? So far I'm lucky enough to not being talked bad by you in front of public, 'accident'ally.
So many complaints, my heart is yelling for help. They've been in me for quite some time and I think I'm collapsing if I dont let them out for a bit. And I'm gonna continue being a loser by trying to stand all these unsatisfactions for like, let's say, a few more weeks?
It feels better to let things out, I'm not specifying who these people are for an apparent reason. I don't want people to know that is, so quit guessing as well if you care.
ALSO,
Instead of lacking confidence in a relationship, might as well just call it off. BOO!
It is gonna be hard but I am too used to this kinda pain.
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This is life isn't it? Of ups and downs. From the very first place, paradise has never really existed in this realistic world. I once thought it's near and OH! EUREKA!
It's just a dream.
.
Currently feeling: relieved
